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Playing violent video games may not make children physically violent but reading harsh film reviews of horrible video game adaptations might have that effect on filmmakers.
Perhaps you heard a while back that Uwe Boll, director of universally-panned video game films House of the Dead, Alone in the Dark and Bloodrayne had issued a challenge to his critics - a boxing match. Yep, in an industry first, an auteur is endeavoring to beat some artistic appreciation into his detractors.
"Put up or shut up!" said Boll in a press release last June. "I'm fed up with people slamming my films on the Internet without seeing them. Many journalists make value judgments on my films based on the opinions of one or two thousand Internet voices. Half of those opinions come from people who've never watched my films."
The release stated that Boll would fly five of his most outspoken critics to Vancouver where they would be given the chance to strap on boxing gloves and step into the ring with Boll himself to argue the merits of his movies for 10 rounds. The matches would be filmed and included in his next video game film, Postal.
This story was widely reported and, while there was much amusement over the concept, no one really thought Boll would follow through on the offer.
Well, it appears the much-maligned filmmaker wasn't kidding. Digital Trends called our attention to an announcement by Vancouver online casino Golden Palace that they will be sponsoring the event. Whimsically titled Raging Boll, the event will take place on September 23rd and feature such notables as Cine Cutre critic Carlos Palencia Jimenez-Arguello (whose fight will take place in Malaga, Spain earlier in the month), Something Awful's Richard "Lowtax" Kyanka, Ain't It Cool News writer Jeff Sneider, Rue Morgue's Chris Alexander, and critic Nelson Chance Minter.
"This event is perfect for us," said GoldenPalace.com CEO Richard Rowe. "We receive so many outlandish offers for advertising exposure that it is refreshing to see something that surprises even us. That is why we decided to get involved. This has gotten so much attention so far, and we can't wait to see how it will turn out."
While the matches themselves have been reduced to three rounds each, Boll maintains that the offer is still on the table and additional challengers are welcome.
Are you a healthy male between 64 and 86 kg? Do you want to inflict as much pain on Uwe Boll as his movies have inflicted on you and, more importantly, have you said so in a review? If so, let Boll know that you'd like to smack him one and maybe we'll see you in Postal the Movie!
-Reporting from San Diego, GP Correspondent Andrew Eisen has a mean left hook but has never seen one of Uwe Boll's films
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August 27 2006, 13:23:55 UTC 5 years ago
Alone in the Dark was a treasured memory Uwe you no-talent little bitch. Way to dig up its corpse and treat it to a bukkake party. Scumbag.
August 27 2006, 15:42:52 UTC 5 years ago
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August 27 2006, 13:53:23 UTC 5 years ago
Smart idea to get at least some training in, even if Boll pulls his punches. Conditioning is the difference between hurting for a couple of days and hurting for a couple of weeks.
August 27 2006, 14:31:49 UTC 5 years ago
Instead of boxing, it needs to be like a caged luchador death match. Arm Lowtax with a flamethrower, and Boll with a spatula. That way, we all win.
August 27 2006, 17:00:03 UTC 5 years ago
Uwe Boll deserves ridicule, not hate.
well.. not really. Someone else will turn more mediocre games that arent very popular in the first place into mediocre movies.5 years ago
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August 27 2006, 14:38:39 UTC 5 years ago
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August 27 2006, 15:26:07 UTC 5 years ago
Popeye The Movie
Curious, but the boxing match scene from that movie comes to mind.nightwng2000
August 27 2006, 15:35:42 UTC 5 years ago
This reminds me of a comic i read.
http://www.ctrlaltdel-online.com/coAugust 29 2006, 16:33:45 UTC 5 years ago
Re: This reminds me of a comic i read.
hahaha, i love ctrl alt deleteAugust 27 2006, 15:38:21 UTC 5 years ago
I just hope no one is seriously hurt.
Believe it or not, Uwe Boll is an experienced boxer.Andrew Eisen
August 27 2006, 16:30:23 UTC 5 years ago
Re: I just hope no one is seriously hurt.
It has to be to fight out of the depths to create some of the the uummmm moives he has.....5 years ago
August 27 2006, 16:16:49 UTC 5 years ago
August 27 2006, 16:41:41 UTC 5 years ago
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August 27 2006, 16:28:25 UTC 5 years ago
UUmmmmm........
Ok I dont need to see th mive to know its bad look at the track record I'll take a bullet if one game moive is good over the next 10 fing years.....Sicne the days of Street fighter and Mortal Kombat...MK1 had a charm to it that made it bearable...the rest have been so lacking its not funny....acutly they been so bad you could laugh at them....Halo is about the only moive to half a chance and even then......I dout.....hell its took this long and look how any good comics moives have there been..I coutn 3..Batman 1 batman 2 and hellboy..the rest have either been bad or fcked up.....Xmen is dead to me......
August 27 2006, 17:15:57 UTC 5 years ago
Re: UUmmmmm........
movies based on pop culture properties have powerful potential for big bucks. You get headstart on buzz and thats a big advantage to the fat cat investers in need of confidence.The trouble with video game properties is that the folks who make them cant read ...lol, just kidding. But then again forget going to best selling novels where MANY MANY successful movies stemmed from. Its all about video games, old TV shows I recall seeing on a T shirt at Hot Topic, comic books, old cartoons, etc....WOOOOOOO!
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August 27 2006, 16:36:32 UTC 5 years ago
You know what's odd?
Uwe is at least 220 pounds and has experience in boxing like Eisen said. I read his press release, in which he asked for opponents that were preferably in the range of 150-180 pounds. In short, he's saying, "I'm going to prove that I can kick your ass, but only as long as I am at least 40 pounds heavier than you."Here's hoping that weight rule was thrown out, and that he loses a few teeth and needs surgery that sinks the budget of the film.
August 27 2006, 17:06:35 UTC 5 years ago
devils advocate
I think Boll does have a point about the internet hate. I saw Bloodrayne and it was so bad, I was LMAO from the bad dialogue alone. I was there opening weekend, and there was about six people (and this is Los Angeles). It was about the same for Alone in the dark. It seems from every gamer related forum apparently everyone has seen his movies and complains how he butchers video game movies.Lets look at video game list of movies anyhoo--
Postal (in production)
Dungeon Siege (in production)
Bloodrayne
Alone in the dark
House of the dead
I bet you a million bucks not even a tenth of these people who complain about the man even owns any of these games (being a fan of that game).
The only service he does is fill the void of bored internet folk and give them something new and hip to complain about.
August 27 2006, 18:14:21 UTC 5 years ago
I resent that!
I own The Typing of the Dead, thats just as meaningful :P5 years ago
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August 27 2006, 17:24:32 UTC 5 years ago
Uwe Boll fun facts from IMDB!
Bloodrayne:The half-naked prostitutes in the scene with Leonid (Meat Loaf) are actually real Romanian prostitutes. According to director Uwe Boll (at the Stockholm International Film Festival) it was cheaper to hire real prostitutes than actresses.
alone in the dark:
The lengthy opening text crawl was added after numerous members of test audiences reported that they were confused by the plot
House of the dead:
The are 32 video clips from the original game inserted in several parts of the movie. From which 26 are inserted during the 10-minute-long battle in front of the house. The remaining 6 are used as transitions to change scenes prior to the battle.
Received such bad reviews that no Danish cinemas bought the movie.
August 27 2006, 17:30:23 UTC 5 years ago
I just had to say it
While I've never seen any of Bowle's film I couldn't miss an opporunity like thias. Bowle instead of beating people to a pulp why not relase your anger in a better way, oh like say playing a video game for instance.August 27 2006, 17:43:51 UTC 5 years ago
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August 27 2006, 18:30:42 UTC 5 years ago
"Red Boll"
I'll never look at that roller coaster the same way again.August 27 2006, 19:22:53 UTC 5 years ago
What does this prove?
I haven't seen any of Uwe Boll's movies so it is not my place to knock them. I have not played any of the games his movies are based on so I may think the movies were OK (because I have nothing to compare it to). As for him boxing, does he think his reviewers will change their mind if he beat the crap out of them, or if Uwe Boll got the crap beat out of him, will that mean his movies will be any different/better?-Auto
August 28 2006, 01:02:12 UTC 5 years ago
Re: What does this prove?
dude we wuold not be whineing if they were standard C hollywood stuff..... no this is far far worse.....5 years ago
August 27 2006, 20:07:55 UTC 5 years ago
August 27 2006, 20:30:17 UTC 5 years ago
Rather see an MMA match.
I would rather see these guys fight under Pride or UFC rules. Boxing, as a combat sport alone, hasn't been relevant in 15 years. Mixed martial arts is a true test of a persons skill and desire.August 27 2006, 22:24:01 UTC 5 years ago
Boll's HORRIBLE movies
Here's a review for you - I've seen about half the Uwe Boll films, and as yes they're artistic. On the other hand, they INSULT the games that they come from. Little is taken from the original games, the games' plots are better, the voice acting is better than the REAL acting... I could go on.There - there's your review of half the Boll "game" films. Wanna take me, Uwe? I'm 200 Lbs (I'm sure that's within your KG limit) and I've been studying Jeet Kune Do for the past five years. I'll happily take you on. My email address is available in my Live Journal.
August 27 2006, 22:26:57 UTC 5 years ago
Re: Boll's HORRIBLE movies
Forgive me - I'm 4 kilos too heavy. I'll happily lose the weight if I'm selected.August 28 2006, 01:23:00 UTC 5 years ago
jahbulon
let me say this...the arch nemisis of blade....is a old dark powered vampire.....that chews on sith for breakfest......and what do you get with the moive a petty pretty boy......blade moives sickens me to no end sure goths and non comic fans like it....but fing hell.....I can stand the 2nd one a bit more the reveres were acuilty a threat to blade.....but still the moive reek of trendy petty hollywood...i cant stand it......Xmen is fcked up but at least follows the newer comic blade is beyond redemtion.....
F4 is is way off but done more correctly than Blade.......GR is also cooler than blade dose he get a 3 moive deal no,no blaze with shotgun and GR V2 in moive 2 no Vengance in moive 3 nothgn cool just crapy trendy scince vampires that wither when hit with silver a non magical mythril....blah blah.....
sorry rant mode......
August 28 2006, 06:50:39 UTC 5 years ago
Re: jahbulon
Ok, re-read has helped. I never read the Blade comics, so I have no vested emotional interest in the way the movie relates to the book. The movie, when considered in the context of what it truly is (an action movie), is fantastic. It managed to portray a silly concept with style and irony and is entertaining to watch. It is a good film. Just because it doesn't relate to the comic properly, who cares? It isn't a comic. It's like complaining that movies aren't as good as the books. They will never be, they are two different things.Just like Michael bay's desecration of the Transformers franchise, you have to watch the film within the context of the film itself. Comparing it to other things, which you have loved for a long time, is just going to ruin the experience for you. Treat them as entirely separate. Just because the movie is about one vampire hybrid, fighting vampires, called Blade, doesn't change the original character.
August 28 2006, 01:35:50 UTC 5 years ago
terminator44
I dislike the 360 it bearly has a leg to stand on and will be repalced by the Xbx 2 in 2-3 years..with that said if they made ARCADE ports of HOTD 1-3 for the 360....my ass is powned and worshiping the white devil god I will be...well that or full BWC *L*← Ctrl← Alt
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